College Life

College life hmmm...

Well....so far it's great and I've only been here about 2 weeks. I've made some friends but overall I wish I had some more. When I would be dreaming about going to college I would see myself surrounded by friends and more but now I'm here and some of the times I'm surrounded by no one. For me this is kinda....depressing. I know I'm not very outgoing but I need to boost up my confidence because if I don't then I'm going to end up friendless and boyfriendless. This university is known for people finding lifelong friends and lovers. Right now I'm beginning to think this will never happen for me but I guess I just feel down about myself.

I'm a writer and a reader so I have all these thoughts and dreams roaming throughout my head. I keep thinking that someday one of these life changing events will happen but I know I'm pushing my luck. For example: I keep thinking I'll find a guy that will change my life but so far the only guy I found was one that broke my heart by cheating on me. Bastard. Anyway, I've been told I'm attractive and have a great personality and I kinda believe that but it's gonna take some work for my heart to believe that too. I'm boy crazy and yes I've known this for quite a while.

Here I believe I can be anything I want but as the days go by I just get this overwhelming sense that something bad is going to happen to me. For years I've had this fear that I'm not going to be able to finish college let alone have a husband with 2.5 kids. I've just been scared and it's not going away. Although personally that has made me live each day like there was no tomorrow. That's one thing I'm happy about.

I'm the kind of girl who believes in superstitions and magic. That's just who I am. People think somethings wrong with me when I talk about fate and all that but I just ignore them. I can believe what I want to believe and that's that. I'm a catholic girl and I believe in God but there's something out there that I believe is magical. Don't know what but I know it's out there.

I like to write and one of these days I want to publish a book. If that doesn't happen then I want to at least become an editor. That's been my dream job for a while now. I want to major in English and maybe a minor in Business but I really don't know at this point. I'm struggling in the social part of college right now. I'll breeze through the classes and all that but finding new people well that's a challenge for me.

I miss my family at home and I especially miss my kitty. She was my companion through my younger years and I miss her dearly. A year or so ago I lost my other cat to kidney failure. I'll forever remember the day I lost her. She was my very first cat and I knew when I had to give her away that she would always remain in my heart. I have pictures of her and I look at them at least once everyday. My mom called me today and told me about my other kitty, apparently she found a way to get through the screen door and escape from the house. I always knew she was a smart cat. :P